Pornography and Sex in the Church

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by LaDonna Vandegrift on October 29, 2010 at 2:58pm

Hello Donna,

I feel this subject is one of the biggest deceptions the enemy uses against us. As a victor of sexual abuse as a child myself, my blinders have been removed and i see the big web of lies of innocence this subject brings. Matthew 5:27-28 states, 27"Ye have heard that it as said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery: 28 But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart." And ladies that also goes for lusting after a man. One can argue that you are not lusting after the people on the screen but when you watch them in the act it does produce lust. That is the deception of people saying it produces excitement and romance. DO NOT BE FOOLED BY THE ENEMY! There is nothing exciting and romantic about this. Trust me when I say that intimacy with your husband is exciting and beautiful and romantic, but you can only experience the true beauty of that when it is done properly the way God intended it to be. If you were damaged as a child sexually, it is true you have a warped idea of what is acceptable and what is not. The enemy uses pornography as a seed to steal more of your soul and take you further away from what God wants you to have in your life. IT IS NOT OK or INNOCENT!!!!

As far as the secrecy, I kept my circumstances secret for years because I was raised in Church and still have strong faith in Christ because my relationship is with God not a building or a denomination. I can tell you it was only when I came face to face with the truth of what transpired in my life I was able to get victory and release in my life. Of course the enemy wants this to stay as secret because that is where he works best in lies and deception and if the truth is revealed than he will lose the war. So when are we going to fight back and expose this ugly truth and allow true healing take place???

Love in Christ,
LaDonna Vandegrift

Permalink Reply by Garry G. Dougherty on October 31, 2010 at 3:57pm

Mrs Vandegrift - I did not read your comment before I added a comment - however, you are truly right on the money with everything you said that you summed it all up well.

SS satin satan as I have come to call him is slick on the steet, in the church, behind the pulpit - N o longer is the devil the red man in a suit with two horns on his head and a pitch fork in his hand - he has advanced right with the times and is quickly deceividly becoming Americas Idol God
(2 Thes 2:3-4)

Wake Up America - as Mrs LaDonna said, commit to humbly (Matt 6:6) go into your private inner room to close the door, get on your knees and pray, to do this daily until God comes into your life that your life will never be the same and these issues will begin to no longer be issues for your focus will begin to turn away from you, day by day. ( key, perservere, dont quit for the seed to be planted is not enough, He/Jesus knows our heart, and knows when we have committed to the point, are true to Him, to where He will then allow the seed to come up, that He will begin to grow us to be born again
Still even then only born again, to begin again Following our Fathers lessons for a real life, anchored in truth) ( we will then begin to receive that satisfying comfort with everything we are doing )

Permalink Reply by Garry G. Dougherty on October 29, 2010 at 11:06pm

We were born into a sinful world, born with fleshly desires that instead we should be striving daily to build a loving spiritual relationship for our marriage - that then our compassion, our love, our devotion for our mate is not based on sex - A powerful weapon of satans that he has used so effectively against us - SS satin satan so smoothly, silky, sexy, pretty, lovely that he has painted the picture ' Sex, ponography, is Love '

And why should we question so many divorces, so many young girls getting pregnant, abortions, babies found in dumpsters ?
Why because ' Sex is love ' , watch your TV it will surely tell you this, the world will tell you this !
( love should not be built on a sexual relationship rather a sexual relationship should be based on a deep devotional, compassionate, caring between a husband and his wife )( we must keep our focus to serve one anothers heart and everything else will fall into it's place of order)

Permalink Reply by Kay Van Hoesen on October 31, 2010 at 10:43am

For all those who missed the show, you can hear it in archives or download an mp3 podcast at this link: http://herewomentalkradio.com/home/archives_details/372

Thanks, Donna, for your sensitivity handling a difficult and sometimes painful discussion.

Permalink Reply by J A Owens on November 27, 2010 at 11:33am

Hi Donna!
Ever heard of this book? An Affair of the Mind by Laurie Hill. I thought you may be interested. I heard the author on the radio once and it was compelling.
Amazon says "Laurie Hall's story reveals pornography's subversive side and offers comfort, encouragement, insight, and a plan of action to women whose husbands are addicted.Mixing personal testimony with systematic critique is a staple of hortative religious literature, and Hall's book is a superior example of the type. She has spent years struggling with her husband's addiction to pornography, and for those who doubt that sexual obsessions can have effects like those of substance abuse on individual behavior and interpersonal relations, she lays out the dismayingly credible particulars of her troubled marriage in evidence. First deepening her Christian faith (abandoning herself to Christ, she says), she made prayer, reading the Bible, and learning about sexual addiction and the psychological dynamics of pornography and how to address them the everyday tactics in her battle to preserve her marriage and protect her children. Trusting the Lord and practicing Christian forgiveness (a quality she tellingly dissects) have been the foundations of her overall strategy. She urges women in similar circumstances to follow her--or, rather, Christ's--lead. Meanwhile, she makes a case against pornography that, although rooted in Christian teaching about sexuality, even nonbelievers may find intuitively compelling."
Julie

Permalink Reply by Donna R. Tyson on December 7, 2010 at 11:37am

Julie,

Thank you for the book referral. I will certainly check it out. I appreciate your input and
hope you will tune it to my Rivers of Faith Show on Tuesday mornings from 10:00 - 11:00 a.m.
to hear guests share their stories of how their faith has helped them thru difficult times. Wishing you a beautiful holiday season filled with lots of love and laughter.

Donna

Permalink Reply by J A Owens on December 8, 2010 at 3:34pm

Thank you, Donna, I appreciate your note. I work FT in the are of domestic violence, and do lots of training for church leaders across the US. While pornography may be 'harmless' to some degree within a marraige that is based on partnersdhip and mutuality, I often see it used as a tool of abuse by men who dominate and degrade their female partners/wives. Many women don't understand that when they are FORCED or COERCED to view or do things that make them uncomfortable, feel humiliated, or violate thier moral code, this is abuse. Too often, when a woman complies with an abusive (power & control) partner's wishes for her to participate in sexual activities of his choice, he will then use them against her later, to humiliate or dishonor her. This is aform of psychological abuse as well as sexual abuse. The book When Love goes Wrong by Ann Jones is a good book that explains some of the tactics that abuser use to mainupulate and control their partners.

Permalink Reply by Bobbie Horowitz on December 23, 2010 at 2:20pm

I've grown to realize that many things that can be fine in certain situations can have their subversive side in others.

Cooking shows come to mind. They're lovely for learning to bake for entertaining. They're not so lovely when obese people who are addicted to overeating watch them and use the knowledge to stuff themselves. Shopping shows are fine and often helpful for many. They're not so great for compulsive shoppers.

I knew many people in the porn industry in the early 80s and even befriended one lovely man who left the industry and married one of the most wonderful women in the world. Most of the actors were rather mild mannered and, even "sweet". My big problem with the few films I saw is that I didn't find them at all sexy, except, perhaps, for "The Devil in Miss Jones" and even that one had it's silly moments. I found them hilarious. The acting was usually pure "indicating" and I didn't believe a move in them.

I think when they're used for abuse they're terrible. Anything used for abuse is terrible. A carving knife which cuts a turkey beautifully is awful when it's used as a weapon. Everything can have it's Yin and it's Yang. 

 

Bobbie

Permalink Reply by Kay Van Hoesen on December 23, 2010 at 3:34pm

Good points, Bobbie.  I know many couples watch porn or even read it together to spice up their sex lives, and I think that's great as long as they're consensual adults and no one is badgered or coerced into participating.  Unfortunately, some people are addicted, and some people are forced.  Donna's show (archived HERE) was mostly about sexual addictions which obviously is problematic.  But like the gentleman who commented to Donna, I'm also of the opinion, moderation is key.

Permalink Reply by J A Owens on December 23, 2010 at 6:22pm

It would be great to hear Dawn Schillers response to this discussion, since she has personal experience with the porn industry. . .

Permalink Reply by Kay Van Hoesen on December 23, 2010 at 9:46pm

Let's see if we can get Dawn to weigh in on this.  I'll ask her.  Thanks, Julie.  ~Kay

Permalink Reply by Bobbie Horowitz on December 24, 2010 at 1:13pm

Dear Kay,

You're so wonderful to even have this discussion go up in the first place. 

Bobbie

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