When do you think you know that something or someone is right?
I had a friend speak to me about a relationship last
week. She explained to me that she had been dating a man 10 years her younger (42 and 32) respectively. They had been going out for over a year, and she has just broken up with him for a third time stating that this was for good.
She stated that there were trigger signs from the very begining. I asked her how long she knew it was not going to work long term? She stated she knew after a few months. I asked her why she continued seeing him even with other problems. She did not have a good answer.
I know that I have been out of the dating world for quite a while, but should you not listen to the items that tell you that this is not going to work long term. The longer you stay in any relationship, the more you become vested in any relationship, the more pain both will go through when it comes to the inevitable end.
By being vested at any level in a relationship, it clouds your ability to see any new opportunities clearly.
My thoughts are if it is not right, do both a favor and move on to minimize the pain and allow for new posibly better opportunities to arise.
Just my thoughts,
Caveman JB
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Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Crystal McLaughlin on -
Hey Caveman JB...nice thoughts. You think clearly and sensibly!
But here are my wild card thoughts...
Who over the age of 17 breaks up with the same person more than once? These two weren't really in tune with the relationship if they were acting so dramatically as to break up multiple times without really meaning it. Not taking the situation of a break-up seriously.
Now I want to get introspective...
You're asking the question of who is right and who isn't .. that bothers me....perhaps because I haven't found the 'right' one myself so I don't understand the contrast. The best I can relate to this is who is worth spending time with and who isn't. The guys that aren't worth my time are easy to spot and I don't have to 'remember' not to pay them attention, that comes naturally.
Then there are the guys that interest me, ones that I want to get to know and become friends with(these are rare!)....regardless of if I think they are 'the one' for me or not something does click with them. And to date, I have met some amazing men and cherish my friendship with them...all time well spent and regardless of how the friendship oscillates in or out of a romance we remain good friends. In fact, I find that keeping the idea (pressure?) of considering anyone as my 'the one' ..keeping that idea OUT of my head is the best way to be open to hearing who they really are. If I look at someone as 'the one' I don't hear them anymore and just file what they say into 'deal breaker' or 'not deal breaker' categories without understanding what's behind it. And the 'what's behind it' is the important information.
Personally, I don't see relationships clouding the ability to see new opportunities...the level of clarity as you mentioned is an interesting perspective....but I've seen men and women who jump from relationship to relationship without a good cleansing pause of singlehood! It seems they are well aware of new opportunities while still in the current relationship. Sounds like they are always miserable in love...or maybe bi-polar!
To add my final thoughts, who cares if you're with 'the one' as long as it's fulfilling in some way just go with it and enjoy it, be honest and keep it real! There can still be love between people that aren't destined to spend their lives together. I continue to believe that if you build deep relationships with people 'the one' will fall into place and you won't have to question it....though it's still in theory :-)
And that's my wild card
-Crystal
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